Much obliged.

 

I would like to thank all of my friends. For those of you who do not know them, they are amazing people. It always helps to be able to talk with people during rough times. I am honored to be associated with people that are so altruistic and forthcoming. I am who I am today, because of these people and I wish everyone had similar circumstances. You guys mean the world to me.

Focused.

The ten year proposal.

One evening, Katie and I were enjoying a few drinks with some friends at, you guessed it, Buster Belly's. At some point, our friends walked to the bar to have there drinks refurbished. During this time, Katie placed her head on my shoulder, looked up at me and told me something I had never heard before by a member of the opposite sex:

"I love you".

I was not prepared for this. I have never been one to use those words haphazardly, but neither was Katie. It did not make me nervous however; it brought comfort. I grabbed her hand and repeated those seemingly daunting words. It felt nice. It was something we both wanted to hear from one another.

Our friends arrived back to the table around this time. They were all very excited about their replenished drinks and the continuation of previous conversation. Katie and I continued to chat about how awesome it was that we opened this can of worms; it brought us closer together. It was very lovely and it still increases my heart rate when I think of this moment.

I then noticed I had been playing with a cocktail napkin the entire time. This caused the realization of how important this moment was for me (judging by the amount of moisture the napkin had gathered from my hands). I curled the napkin into a ring, got on one knee and asked Katie:

"Will you marry me... (awkward pause) 
Ten years from today" (a large smile on my face).

Katie was at a loss for words. She then smiled and told me that if we could make it through a ten year engagement, she would marry me- this was our fourth date. Through our relatively short relationship, we both decided this was a good idea. Neither of us were sure if we could wait the entire ten years before following through with our inebriated engagement. We both realized that ten years was a fairly long engagement. I think it would have happened when it was financially feasible. Katie already had plans about the next five years of our lives. I think it would have been very enjoyable to plan this event with one another. I am fairly particular with design and so was Katie. Some interesting conversations would have taken place.

I found the napkin-ring last week in Katie's vanity table. She had replaced it temporarily with the Claddagh Ring. I was amazed that Katie held on to the napkin for so long. It is difficult to think about these events and I imagine tough to read; but it represents our happiness with one another- and I believe this is worth sharing. I hope these memories continue to come back.


I like this story. Neither one of us knew how our relationship was going to grow. It represent both of our personalities well. I will always be thankful for every moment we had with one another. I remember, the week of her passing, waking up and hearing her come in one morning from work. I was so excited to see her. I woke, ran and hid behind the door to scare the BEGEEZUS out of her. It did not work. I had to settle for a hug and kiss.

[Pardon my grammar. I always notice stupid mistakes in the days following a long post of a story]

Clean teeth!

 

 Designers Choice Fashion Show 

It was nice to find a photo where it looks as though I am rolling my eyes at Katie.  In actuality, Katie was making sure she did not have any food in her teeth. You can tell I know what is about to happen with her smile in the top picture.

Summer 2010.

Anna and Katie

Ian and Miranda's Wedding (Summer 2010, Little Rock, AR)

Hope (8).

Grief is not easy. It is impossible to ignore your own thoughts. It becomes very tiresome. I have been trying to keep my mind busy, but sometimes this is not enough. I have read books on this process, but this only manages the pain. This is all I can wish. There is not an easy way to get through these times and I do not believe anyone wants this process to be fast. 

Emotionally, I am beginning to realize the severity of my situation. My mind is starting to realize my tricks. It has been too long since I have spoken or seen Katie to act like nothing has happened. I really miss her. I still feel overloaded with thoughts about the two years we were together. This is a relatively short time compared with Katie's other friends and family. I cannot fathom having to reconcile 25 years of memories.

I enjoy talking with everyone and hearing stories about Katie. It is very bittersweet. There were so many things I did not know about her. Seeing pictures of Katie as a child creates the same unrest. She was very adorable. I can see the same expressions I cherished, even when she was small.

There are times when the emotions become unbearable. The way I cope is by taking myself out of the situation. This enables me to lose my distress and become an observer in my own reality. I can then try to critique the methods in which I deal and try to understand the benefits of everything I do. This is not easy, but it is a necessity for me.

I remember a conversation I had with a professor when I was going to school at Oklahoma State. I was trying to understand some principles in the relationship of Modern and Post-Modern Philosophies and how they corresponded with the aesthetics of Architecture. He mentioned two gods that the Greeks worshiped (I cannot remember the names). One God was all about rational, objective thought (God A), the other was an emotional entity (God B). People that followed God A were very interested in the math and sciences, while people that followed God B were interested in the enjoyment of life. I was intrigued when my professor talked about finding a balance between these two belief structures (I really hope I did this story justice). 

Life is full of balances that are relative to one another. Everyone's gauge of this balance is different. In dealing with my grief, my scale is off. The two philosophies cannot share the same space in my thought process. I am all emotions or all objectivity (almost two different psyches).I am not sure if this matters.

I have been complimented lately about my strength in dealing with Katie's passing. My strength is a product of being honest with myself and understanding my weaknesses. 

As I said before, I trust my mind during these rough times; but I am afraid of my future pain. I do not have any idea of what to expect from my thoughts. I am not worried about my mind, just nervous of its hardships.
 

Bill Hicks- It's just a ride.

A video Katie posted on Facebook (August 19, 2009).

A very special event.

I just had a memory, then corresponding happiness, of different times when Katie had the most joy from a seemingly very random/mundane situation. I can picture her smile light up, then the hug or conversation that followed. 

I have not had a moment like this since Katie's passing. It seemed very real. It gave me chill-bumps. I am counting on this happening again (April 19, 2011; 11:10am)

 

Image by Maliah Pinkerton.

 

I always enjoyed the beauty-mark below Katie's right eye.

Hope (7).

 

I try not to write about the same issues in order to have a process in dealing with my thoughts, but I will continue until it has some sort of resolution.

I wrote before of my procedures I use to function during my daily activities and I think it is time I write of them again. I still wake every morning with the same feelings. I am still tricking my mind into believing a false sense of reality, focusing on more pleasant emotions. I am unsure if this will change nor do I believe I want this to change. My personality has a way of tricking itself into happiness. It is a false happiness, but I do not care. I am always going to be the guy who likes to smile.

This is who I am and it is not going to change; it is not something I am capable of changing. My smile is always going to be there, even if it is just on the surface. I enjoy the pain that I am going through; it is all I have left of our relationship. It is the driving force that is going to let me reach my goals; and even if the pain does leave, my motivation will stay. I trust my mind and its ability to cope.

I am not any different than anyone else who was able to call Katie a friend. We are all feeling the same pain. None of us know how to deal; all we can do is focus. Focus on who we are and who we want to be. The memories hurt but this is how our minds adapt to crises. I am not an expert on grief, but I do not believe you have to be. You have to stay true to who you are and use all the experiences you have had in your life to aid your mind in dealing with change. And then, let Katie's imprint on your life affect you in a positive manner. We do not have any reason or excuse for this not to occur. 

Katie and I shared many personality traits and interests. This always made for some interesting conversations about art, movies, literature, philosophy, even sports (she went for the team wearing green), as well as everything in between. We did not have to agree on everything, but we didn’t have to necessarily disagree either. I found myself trying to watch American Dad today. In my opinion, that is still a horrible show; but I have seen all of the episodes with Katie.

The emotions feel like they are going to explode at times, but for some reason they do not. I am an open book for the rest of my life. It is not something I will always enjoy, but it is my-way of self-preservation. As much turmoil I have experienced the past month, I still feel very lucky to be in the position that I am. 

I have observed that there are times when I feel that I am coping well and then there are times when it feels as though I am regressing (cyclical in nature as opposed to linear). I expect this to continue for some time.

There was a point where I could not shed a tear until I put myself in others shoes, feeling sorry for my situation. I feel as though I am observing everything going on around me as an outside observer, not a participant. I believe this to be another mechanism my mind is using to cope. I only break down by myself while thinking of my best friend that I am never going to see again.

I do not know how to live without Katie; but somehow everyday, I do and I will.

A story about running.

If it is not known at this point, I am a smart-alec and always enjoy a well-conceived, well-executed practical joke. Katie and I shared this trait. Many times, we would try to make a situation awkward for one another (hints the reason why in many of my stories, Katie is rolling her eyes at some point). I will always remember Katie as a friend who had the intelligence to have an excellent sense of humor. Something that is not as common as we all wish.

When the weather accepted our intentions, Katie and I enjoyed spending some time walking at Gulley Park. Katie was content with walking at first (something I enjoyed), but later decided she wanted to start running (unless I am chasing a ball, I do not run). In my opinion, running is a means to an end. There are several social situations I would enjoy running, if it were socially acceptable (ie. walking to class). 

Back to the story. 

So, Katie wanted to start running. On the trip to Gulley one afternoon, Katie asked if I could show her the proper technique to run. I told her to act like your walking but do it faster and raise your knees. She rolled her eyes. She was more interested in how your feet should land, how to loosen your shoulders, how your toes should be pointing, how your hands move, etc... I did not go into these details until after I had some fun. 

When we got to the park I told her some of these running exercises are going to feel awkward and you might feel silly doing them. She accepted my terms, so we began. I showed her all the classics: the running with your hands in your pockets, the skipping with your hands in your pockets, the sideways run, the running without bending your knees, and the running without bending your elbows.

While doing our practical jokes, the jokester looked as ridiculous as the jokee at times. In this case, I looked like a complete idiot. The only one in which Katie participated was the running with your hands in your pockets. I started the jog, she followed right behind. This is where I messed up. She saw what I looked like while running in this manner and six steps into our jog, she stopped, and would not stop laughing. She realized my cheap intentions. 

Unfortunately, I was not ready to give up. I continued to show her the above mentioned exercises. She laughed at my disappointment. 

We walked the rest of this summer.

In another instance, we were at the gym. Katie was running/walking on the treadmill and I was sitting on the bench-press watching The Daily Show (this was before I noticed how comfortable the leg press machine was). She seemed like she was taking her work out a bit too seriously. I decided to walk beside her.

I started with the treadmill's lowest setting and continued from there (still on the lowest setting). The steady, slow speed of the track beneath enabled me to tip-toe flamboyantly. She tried to ignore me, but I was focused. I tip-toed for half a mile, she finally smirked. I tip-toed another tenth of a mile, she finally laughed. Some people walked towards us in gym, Katie walked away from me.

Little did I know, this was going to be one of the most extreme workouts I had since high school. Apparently, moving your body in slow motion on a treadmill is not kind to less than strong muscles. Balancing can be a very rigorous activity. Katie enjoyed my soreness.

I will never tip-toe on a treadmill again.

Hope (yet again).

Well, oh my. It has been one month now. I am still clueless. I understand that I will never see Katie again. It still hits me like a confused pigeon heading towards a clean window, but I cannot ask for anything more or less.  I wish these emotions would come, yet I stay composed. I do not like this. The nights are still rough. I am able to think freely in these moments. As morbid as it seems, I am very curious about death (do not worry for me). I have dealt with death in my life. It has never been this difficult.

I would not be able to deal with this situation with the support of everyone. It is hard for me to look at pictures. It is even more difficult for me to use my mind to remember circumstances. I find Katie's death difficult. I want to act like it never happened, but I am incapable of this. My memories of CPR are all that consume me. I try to remember details but I am still unable (I want to share more stories, and will, just give me some time).  We had so many expectations for ourselves. They are still present.  Every night when I think of what we should be doing, I lose my breath.

I am unsure if I will ever be able to understand my present situation. I feel the pain of losing Katie at all times. I think my numbness is associated with this constant pain (as weird as this seems). I am afraid no one else will matter now. I am focusing to see my emotions again. 

We are all going to deal with rough times. I am very grateful for all of my friends and family (extended further than I would have ever imagined). I love each and everyone individually. I have difficulty ahead of me, but I enjoy each and every second I spend with you guys.

Everyone's support is PERFECT! 

I have been lazy with my mind; but now, I want to become well versed in all of my interests (and good at them). I do not expect anything less.

Alejandro by Lady GaGa

Another song Katie enjoyed. I remember this one specifically because it has my name in it (Spanish style). Katie would always point in my direction when she sang my Spanish name, Roberto. As I drive, I find myself humming along with this song. 

I am seriously concerned that I am a Lady Gaga fan. This is not good for any aspect of my social life.

Author unknown.

 

Random images.

Intentions.

I want my intentions to be clear. Memories and concepts I express are from my perspective, not Katie's. I try to convey objectively and thoughtfully but I do not speak for Katie with anything I write with fear of misrepresentation. I take as many details of our life in account when I write and speak, but I can never expect myself to reach perfection in this task. By the nature of these writings and our relationship, an opportunity is present for fallacy.

I cannot encompass all of her personality and concepts in life with my writings. She had relationships with many friends and family members, as well as personal thoughts, that I cannot represent. I base everything I write on our interactions and discussions. Our knowledge for one another was immense and growing exponentially, but was bound by the structure of our relationship. 

I can only offer my perspective. I wish I could present more, but that would be naive. At times, this is upsetting; but I would rather be honest with myself and others than to portray Katie in a misconceived, absolute manner. I write in her honor alone.  

"It's as if one had a mosaic done in very, very, small, fine stones- one million of them. Then it was destroyed but somebody made a copy of it- but only using a thousand stones. And so the thousand stones still have the same colors and the same kind of arrangement; but much more coarse-grained, in a different medium, different stones. The original has been destroyed, but the copy exists in a coarse-grained version."
                                -Douglas Hofstadter 

Stripper by Sohodolls.

A song Katie enjoyed by the Soho Dolls. It reminded me of an experience we once had. It is a funny story that represents Katie's humbleness, natural spontaneity, enthusiasm and her ability not to take stereotypical views as truths.

One night we met with some friends for dinner. After the food went missing, everyone decided they wanted to take Katie to her first strip club (female dancers). I was not a fan of this idea, but conceded. We arrived early in the evening. It was clean. We transferred our larger bills for the singles and made our way to the front. I told Katie we should get quarters and "make it hail", Katie rolled her eyes (instead of dollars to "make it rain"- a friend's joke). We sat our drinks on the banister adjacent to the stage.

Katie was extremely impressed with the athletic ability of the dancers. She compared it with Cirque Du Soleil. Katie was out of bills within 3 songs, she used mine. During one of the dance numbers, a dancer's foot was misplaced and knocked a drink from the banister. It landed on it's bottom so that the liquid remained in the shape of the glass and shot directly toward our faces. The majority of the liquid missed Katie and I did not want to let the floors get wet, so I took one for the team (not exactly). It took five to ten minutes to clean our faces and the floors. Our dollars were gone.

One of the dancers let Katie borrow some of her eye-makeup because of the spill. Katie was so thankful and kept telling the young lady how beautiful and athletic she was. I was gathering our jackets when I arrived to the conversation. The dancer was thanking Katie and turned to me to say how beautiful and funny my girlfriend was. I was thankful but made it clear that she already had a job. The dancer laughed, Katie did not hear me.

Katie was always ready to try new things. I have never been a fan of strip clubs, they sort of disgust me; but when Katie mentioned how it reminded her of the Cirque Du Soleil, it briefly changed what I thought of the venue. Then it changed my thoughts on Cirque Du Soleil.

(smile)

Hope (5).

While cleaning the apartment Monday night, I found Katie's day-planner (along with her journal I wrote about before). It was nice to see her writings. As I flipped through the pages I found many of her loved one's birthdays labeled as a reminder- an exclamation mark behind every one of them. Like most, she always enjoyed days of celebration with her friends and family. 

I finally reached my day of birth. This was troublesome. My birthday card was taped to the page along with a list of gifts she was considering. Some of these were marked out. After I examined the list, the gifts crossed corresponded with conversations we had. It is very painful when I think of the time she spent on the planning alone. I am not sure how she was gauging my reactions, but I am guessing she did not consider my excitement level suitable for those marked. Any on the list would have been fine. Katie wanted this day to be perfect.

This was a sleepless night. I tried to abandon my thoughts through writing; this did not work. I focused on the wrong thoughts. My questions were directed towards different philosophies and the dogmatic, religious viewpoints they encompassed. My mind was searching for answers, but I lost sight of what was important. In this state, I did not have any business trying to answer any of these unsolvable questions. I needed to be focusing on Katie. Talking with her and bringing peace to my mind. 

This has been my best coping mechanism. The lack of response offers my mind recognition of her passing, while speaking aloud curbs loneliness. I am trying to prepare myself for this next barrage of emotions, but I am unsure if my techniques are practical and/or effective. I believe the assumption of control was an illusion. There are going to be times when I am helpless. I need to observe the stimuli of these frantic thoughts; not to steer clear, but to function. 

It took me eight, long years, filled with distractions, to graduate college (insert Tommy Boy reference here). I have never encountered anything of this magnitude, but my personality has never allowed me to abnegate from my goals/plans. During these times, this personality trait will not only be my strength, but also my weakness.

First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes.

This was my ring-tone on Katie's phone. I remember when I first noticed this, it made me proud (later changed to Everyday by Buddy Holly).

Katie's notes.

Katie enjoyed reading. She took notes anytime she found ideas of inspiration. I was cleaning today and found a journal in which she was writing some of these ideas down (I cannot source all of them). Along with these quotes, she had her Peace Corps recruiter's contact information, modeling information and contacts, and information on different charities that interested her. These quotes were discovered by Katie before we met. They represent a small glimpse into Katie's philosophies in life, not a complete illustration of them.

"Love each other or perish."

-W.H. Auden

"A child's heart is broken by misfortunes we consider trivial. It identifies completely with each incident, being unable to see it against the backdrop of a whole variable lifetime. A lot of living is required before the child can withdraw it's self-identification from the individual moment and approach, thereby, adulthood. Compared with children we are mature, but compared with saints we are children. No more capable of seeing our total selves in perspective than a three-year old who has dropped it's ice cream cone, our attention is fixated on our present lifespan. If we could mature completely we would see that lifespan in a larger setting, one that is, actually, unending."

"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted."

"The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture does not work, don't buy it."

"The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

(Hopefully I can find more)

Tean Girl Squad 11.

Another Teen Girl Squad Katie posted on my Facebook wall. 

This Too Shall Pass by OK Go

A song in which Katie did not tolerate my eccentricities (I have always enjoyed Rube Goldberg machines and watched this video all the time).

Hope (4).

It has been tough for me to write about how I am handling Katie's passing lately. I have been emotionless and numb. I am forcing myself to write however. When I do not make time to write, the days lose there importance. With everything that has occurred, I cannot let this happen. I am using this blog to have physical documentation of my pain. I do not want to forget anything.

It is hard for me to believe that it has been three weeks since I last saw Katie. My regular life is about to start over. This understanding does not mean I am prepared. I still have our weekly schedule memorized. She would be leaving for her night shift at Vista Health in 27 minutes (she was never late, always left early). We would be watching Shameless. These are the details in life that are going to be the most difficult. I have places I can go so that I do not experience these emotions, but I need this pain. I find comfort in solitude.

Katie is the only one for whom I feel sorrow. We had so many plans and I do not want to experience them without her. We were planning a vacation for the summer, a train ride to Chicago. We were both excited.

I am unsure how I am going to deal with our routine without her. I imagine it is going to be much like it has been these past few weeks: moments of grief, guilt, sadness, happiness, fatigue, focus, etc... My imagination focuses on what we would be doing the next day, next week, next month. How would these new events change our plans for the future?  I was excited to experience the hardships of life with her.

I have been waiting for all of my memories of our life to return. They are coming very slowly. When they come, I am consumed with joy; but following every great series of memories is sorrow. I realize the past is all I have now. There is never going to be anything new in our relationship. My mind is the only place I can have a conversation with her.

I was very concerned that I was not going to be able to continue with all that has happened. Understanding that I am going to be okay hurts. I do not believe I am ever going to be able to relinquish this grief. I am fine with this. It is time for me to get on with my routine and focus on my future. Katie would want this but I can not allow for this to be my primary reason. I will continue to focus every morning. I  want to experience success for Katie, but I have to want success for myself as well. I will miss her support but I still have my friends and family (this has grown). As much as it hurts to say, I will have to start saying "I" when describing my personal life instead of "we."

The realities of my life are being understood. I am thankful for every moment I had with Katie. I wish she could see the support that I am receiving in her honor. She was humble but I have to believe that she would enjoy this blog (right after she made fun of me for having it, heh).

Katie was more than a girlfriend. She was my future.

Image by Maliah Pinkelton.

 

Sleeping In by The Postal Service.

On a road-trip returning to Fayetteville from Hot Springs, we had this song on repeat almost the entire journey. We both had the ability to listen to the songs we enjoyed over and over, and over (Katie many times tolerated my eccentricities).

Be kind.

Katie's tattoo on Iris. Katie would approve.

Missing.

 Katie enjoyed it when I rode bunny rabbits like bulls.

Katie making it clear that I should not wear a shirt because it has holes, a missing button, or a rip in it. I always acknowledged her fears of me looking like a homeless-man, but I thought it added character.

Waking up in the morning, looking into each others eyes, realizing that we were both worried about our breath. This lasted a split second. We both hoped that the others bad breath would dissipate our own.

Katie having a valid argument about how I am perceived when my beard needs to be trimmed. 

The conflict we had when I wanted to keep boxes for things we just bought, thinking about moving in the future; and Katie wanting to throw them away because it looked like we were about to package fruit.

Katie not acknowledging the irony in the comparison of a fellow with a beard and a grandmother (in reference to the speed at which I drive).

Katie waking me up to the bath over-flowing. Being pissed off. And then understanding that I like a good bath and letting it go.

Katie being able to deal with all the children at her work and then, at times, having to come home and deal with me. 

Hearing Katie in the shower, sneaking in and flushing the toilet (she was better at this than I was). I can hear her say, "No, Robert. No." It was always a shock when she did it to me.

Trying to watch Romeo+Juliet and realizing I hated it.

Listening to "gender-bending" songs and singing along.

Katie enjoying my syntax.

Trying to get one another in the most awkward situations.
 

Katie not letting me look at her art work because I always had ideas, and it was annoying.

Waiting for Katie to take the trash out just because I did it last.

Katie's critiques of Jay-Z's music. 

Hearing my mother tell me how beautiful Katie was without make-up (luckily, I am still going to hear this).

Katie rolling her eyes, while I was talking about the legitimacy of Lisa Loeb- how in the nineties, it was cool for girls to be smart (this is directed towards you, Ke$ha).

Trying to get Katie to use my Sonicare toothbrush but her thinking it was over-the-top and not liking how it felt.

Getting a Sam's Club membership and Katie being upset that I paid to shop somewhere, "...just do not tell me what you get from there."

Katie motioning with her finger that she wanted to whisper a secret to me and when I came closer, giving me a kiss. This was how our first kiss was concieved.

The look Katie gave me when I was in "goober-mode."

"Word-vomits."

Trying to talk Katie out of painting the walls lime green.

Waking Katie when she was grinding her teeth. Then telling her how small her teeth were going to be in twenty years and talking her into wearing a "slim" mouth guard to protect them.

Katie framing images of my four nieces and one nephew with a green background.

Trying to keep Katie from giving change to the homeless, meth-addict in downtown Hot Springs (or anywhere else for that matter).

(Many more to come).

Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars

A song that Katie enjoyed by Bruno Mars. Occasionally, we would sing this to one another in the car-she would be hand-dancing (I would hum because I did not know the words). She would be enjoying the fact that I am destroying my street credit with each and every post.

Photos compliments of Iris
(looks like Katie's 24th Birthday).

Our story.

 

Our relationship was brief, but worth every second. Here is how it came to be.  

 

1

Katie and I originally met in the spring of 2006, through mutual friends who were dating. My fellow friends from Hot Springs and I were interested to see the new young lady our friend was seeing. We met at Jose’s on Dickson Street to begin the night. We had a few drinks there and decided to move on to our local favorite, Buster Belly’s Bar and “Café.” While we were leaving, an older lady asked if we could give her a ride to her hotel room. I did not want any part of this. My friend Shannon did. For some reason, I volunteered to be the co-captain in this escapade. I helped the lady off the curb, realizing at this point she was belligerently drunk. She stumbled toward the car with my aid and then asked if I could fix her orthopedic boot that was twisted sideways. I agreed and bent down to straighten it. While down there, I noticed that her pants were wet. My eyes followed the moisture up and lo and behold, she had peed herself. My hands were already soiled so I continued. I finally got her into the car and we were on our way.

Unfortunately, her hotel was not the Taj Mahal (for Fayetteville locals, it was the motel that surrounds Café Rue Orleans). We pulled up to her room and I began to help her out of the vehicle. She was a larger lady, wearing a medical boot, so this task was more difficult than getting her into the car. I was finally able to lift her when she slipped from my grasp. I reached desperately so she would not fall to the ground. I caught her, inappropriately. The appendage that my hand found was her left breast. The worst part was that I could not let go because she was still in harms way (at her age, I did not want to be responsible for a broken hip). We were in this awkward embrace for the longest thirty seconds of my life. The whole time I was trying to get her to her feet she was chatting about how she had “not been grabbed like that by a young man in quite sometime.” This didn’t help matters. We were finally able to get her idle feet moving towards the room. She kept talking. She was ranting about how she hoped Bob was not back yet because he was going to be pissed. This added un-needed stress to the situation. We opened the door and thankfully Bob was still at the Electric Cowboy. I placed her in a chair and walked out with her still speaking.

Shannon and I made a quick stop by the gas station and washed the urine from ourselves. I think/hope we bought some disinfectant spray for the seat as well.

Then we were heading back to Dickson Street to meet our friends at Buster’s. We got there and I met Katie for the first time. She was quiet. There were many of us there so it was difficult to carry on a conversation. We decided to leave early and go and hang out at their house (many of us). I began flirting with Katie more. It was to no avail. I briefly slept in her laundry closet that night.

She told me later that she developed her crush for me during this night. When telling this story, I always had to tell the part of the lady peeing on me. She really enjoyed this. Sadly, she was seeing someone at the time (if you are reading this, I am sorry- I did not know). She was a stand-up girl who considered your feelings this night.

2

Our second encounter was three weeks before she left for Chicago. I lived close to Dickson Street and was dropped off by a friend from work at the municipal parking lot. While walking home, I passed by a dance club called Speak Easy. Katie and her friends, Iris and Summer, were out on the balcony cooling off from inside. They were out celebrating Katie’s birthday. It had been two years  since our last encounter and I was pleasantly surprised she noticed me and remembered my name. She told me why they were out and asked if I would like to join. I did indeed. I ran home and got ready very quickly and scooted back. I was unsure if they would still be there but I was willing to take the chance.
It took me sometime, but I finally found them downstairs.

I have always enjoyed dancing, but my style does not harmonize well with a partner. At one point, she stopped me and told me not to move; to just stand there and let her do the dancing. It was very awkward to be the only one on the dance floor not moving, especially when I was having the urge to make my feet move fast. This only lasted a few songs because they had been out for a while and needed to get home early. I asked Katie if she would care to have lunch sometime. She agreed and put her number in my phone.

Unfortunately, it was the wrong number. I thought she did it on purpose but she swore to me later that she was experiencing the "googly eyes" and just put it in wrong (my words, not hers).

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On November 4, 2009, she befriended me on Facebook. I do not know why it took so long to become acquainted on this forum. We talked and agreed to meet for drinks. She told me later that this was the first time she ever asked someone out on a date. We met one night, had a lovely conversation, and then she headed back to Tulsa. It was a nice evening. I knew at this point I wanted to get to know her better. And so I did.

I left out the names of our friends that were dating because they were fairly brief romantically. Plus, they have moved on to others, and that would be awkward. I do have to thank Jared Lowrey and Catherine Quinn for introducing us:)