Be kind.

Katie's tattoo on Iris. Katie would approve.

Missing.

 Katie enjoyed it when I rode bunny rabbits like bulls.

Katie making it clear that I should not wear a shirt because it has holes, a missing button, or a rip in it. I always acknowledged her fears of me looking like a homeless-man, but I thought it added character.

Waking up in the morning, looking into each others eyes, realizing that we were both worried about our breath. This lasted a split second. We both hoped that the others bad breath would dissipate our own.

Katie having a valid argument about how I am perceived when my beard needs to be trimmed. 

The conflict we had when I wanted to keep boxes for things we just bought, thinking about moving in the future; and Katie wanting to throw them away because it looked like we were about to package fruit.

Katie not acknowledging the irony in the comparison of a fellow with a beard and a grandmother (in reference to the speed at which I drive).

Katie waking me up to the bath over-flowing. Being pissed off. And then understanding that I like a good bath and letting it go.

Katie being able to deal with all the children at her work and then, at times, having to come home and deal with me. 

Hearing Katie in the shower, sneaking in and flushing the toilet (she was better at this than I was). I can hear her say, "No, Robert. No." It was always a shock when she did it to me.

Trying to watch Romeo+Juliet and realizing I hated it.

Listening to "gender-bending" songs and singing along.

Katie enjoying my syntax.

Trying to get one another in the most awkward situations.
 

Katie not letting me look at her art work because I always had ideas, and it was annoying.

Waiting for Katie to take the trash out just because I did it last.

Katie's critiques of Jay-Z's music. 

Hearing my mother tell me how beautiful Katie was without make-up (luckily, I am still going to hear this).

Katie rolling her eyes, while I was talking about the legitimacy of Lisa Loeb- how in the nineties, it was cool for girls to be smart (this is directed towards you, Ke$ha).

Trying to get Katie to use my Sonicare toothbrush but her thinking it was over-the-top and not liking how it felt.

Getting a Sam's Club membership and Katie being upset that I paid to shop somewhere, "...just do not tell me what you get from there."

Katie motioning with her finger that she wanted to whisper a secret to me and when I came closer, giving me a kiss. This was how our first kiss was concieved.

The look Katie gave me when I was in "goober-mode."

"Word-vomits."

Trying to talk Katie out of painting the walls lime green.

Waking Katie when she was grinding her teeth. Then telling her how small her teeth were going to be in twenty years and talking her into wearing a "slim" mouth guard to protect them.

Katie framing images of my four nieces and one nephew with a green background.

Trying to keep Katie from giving change to the homeless, meth-addict in downtown Hot Springs (or anywhere else for that matter).

(Many more to come).

Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars

A song that Katie enjoyed by Bruno Mars. Occasionally, we would sing this to one another in the car-she would be hand-dancing (I would hum because I did not know the words). She would be enjoying the fact that I am destroying my street credit with each and every post.

Photos compliments of Iris
(looks like Katie's 24th Birthday).

Our story.

 

Our relationship was brief, but worth every second. Here is how it came to be.  

 

1

Katie and I originally met in the spring of 2006, through mutual friends who were dating. My fellow friends from Hot Springs and I were interested to see the new young lady our friend was seeing. We met at Jose’s on Dickson Street to begin the night. We had a few drinks there and decided to move on to our local favorite, Buster Belly’s Bar and “Café.” While we were leaving, an older lady asked if we could give her a ride to her hotel room. I did not want any part of this. My friend Shannon did. For some reason, I volunteered to be the co-captain in this escapade. I helped the lady off the curb, realizing at this point she was belligerently drunk. She stumbled toward the car with my aid and then asked if I could fix her orthopedic boot that was twisted sideways. I agreed and bent down to straighten it. While down there, I noticed that her pants were wet. My eyes followed the moisture up and lo and behold, she had peed herself. My hands were already soiled so I continued. I finally got her into the car and we were on our way.

Unfortunately, her hotel was not the Taj Mahal (for Fayetteville locals, it was the motel that surrounds Café Rue Orleans). We pulled up to her room and I began to help her out of the vehicle. She was a larger lady, wearing a medical boot, so this task was more difficult than getting her into the car. I was finally able to lift her when she slipped from my grasp. I reached desperately so she would not fall to the ground. I caught her, inappropriately. The appendage that my hand found was her left breast. The worst part was that I could not let go because she was still in harms way (at her age, I did not want to be responsible for a broken hip). We were in this awkward embrace for the longest thirty seconds of my life. The whole time I was trying to get her to her feet she was chatting about how she had “not been grabbed like that by a young man in quite sometime.” This didn’t help matters. We were finally able to get her idle feet moving towards the room. She kept talking. She was ranting about how she hoped Bob was not back yet because he was going to be pissed. This added un-needed stress to the situation. We opened the door and thankfully Bob was still at the Electric Cowboy. I placed her in a chair and walked out with her still speaking.

Shannon and I made a quick stop by the gas station and washed the urine from ourselves. I think/hope we bought some disinfectant spray for the seat as well.

Then we were heading back to Dickson Street to meet our friends at Buster’s. We got there and I met Katie for the first time. She was quiet. There were many of us there so it was difficult to carry on a conversation. We decided to leave early and go and hang out at their house (many of us). I began flirting with Katie more. It was to no avail. I briefly slept in her laundry closet that night.

She told me later that she developed her crush for me during this night. When telling this story, I always had to tell the part of the lady peeing on me. She really enjoyed this. Sadly, she was seeing someone at the time (if you are reading this, I am sorry- I did not know). She was a stand-up girl who considered your feelings this night.

2

Our second encounter was three weeks before she left for Chicago. I lived close to Dickson Street and was dropped off by a friend from work at the municipal parking lot. While walking home, I passed by a dance club called Speak Easy. Katie and her friends, Iris and Summer, were out on the balcony cooling off from inside. They were out celebrating Katie’s birthday. It had been two years  since our last encounter and I was pleasantly surprised she noticed me and remembered my name. She told me why they were out and asked if I would like to join. I did indeed. I ran home and got ready very quickly and scooted back. I was unsure if they would still be there but I was willing to take the chance.
It took me sometime, but I finally found them downstairs.

I have always enjoyed dancing, but my style does not harmonize well with a partner. At one point, she stopped me and told me not to move; to just stand there and let her do the dancing. It was very awkward to be the only one on the dance floor not moving, especially when I was having the urge to make my feet move fast. This only lasted a few songs because they had been out for a while and needed to get home early. I asked Katie if she would care to have lunch sometime. She agreed and put her number in my phone.

Unfortunately, it was the wrong number. I thought she did it on purpose but she swore to me later that she was experiencing the "googly eyes" and just put it in wrong (my words, not hers).

3   

On November 4, 2009, she befriended me on Facebook. I do not know why it took so long to become acquainted on this forum. We talked and agreed to meet for drinks. She told me later that this was the first time she ever asked someone out on a date. We met one night, had a lovely conversation, and then she headed back to Tulsa. It was a nice evening. I knew at this point I wanted to get to know her better. And so I did.

I left out the names of our friends that were dating because they were fairly brief romantically. Plus, they have moved on to others, and that would be awkward. I do have to thank Jared Lowrey and Catherine Quinn for introducing us:)

 

Mumford and Sons: The Cave.

A song Katie and I appreciated. I think others did as well
(the scoot-scooting adds a nice touch)

The Blood of Cuchulainnby by Jeff Danna and composed by Mychael Danna (Boondock Saints theme).

I almost have the little girls dance moves down 
(I hope this dance is gender-blind).

Hope (3).

 

It is difficult to enjoy having fun. I try to stay busy and stay social, but guilt is always the consequence. I will undoubtedly think about how much fun Katie would have in these different situations. How unfair it is that she will not be able to experience these events. When I become conscience of this, it is impossible for me to manage my thoughts. I wonder how she would want me to handle myself under these circumstances. This does not help. I know she would not want this to destroy my understanding of the world. She always wanted me to be happy but it was much easier when I was in her presence. Doing it on my own is an endeavor I do not wish to undertake, but I have no other choice. It is difficult to stay optimistic about my future while at the same time it is the only way to keep my sanity.

As mentioned before, I am very focused on pursuing the goals Katie and I had planned for our lives. Truth of the matter, I was too content when I was in her company. I needed her assertiveness to help achieve my potential; even then, I would rather be doing something random with her. The real world had not yet caught up with us, but it was coming fast. I am not content anymore. I am very motivated and have noticed an eagerness to be more aggressive in accomplishing these goals.

After the last two weeks my confidence has risen and I lack the fears that once created my inhibitions. Fear has become a futile noun. After the greatest fear you have is realized, all others lose importance (ie. cold water). Loneliness is all that is left, even when you are surrounded by all of your loved ones.

I do not fear loneliness but I am still having problems accepting it.

I am not sure if I am ever going to be able to accept the fact I am never going to see Katie again. I have never lost someone so special in my life. I am not able to separate my day to day activities from my emotions. I find myself losing control briefly in moments of thought (I knew my mechanism would fail eventually). I miss being able to talk with someone that allowed me to be completely open with my thoughts without judgment. We loved each other unconditionally and this made life easy, no matter what was going on.

I am trying not to repeat things I already wrote but it is more difficult than I imagined. I find my thoughts are still roaming like scribbles on a paper. There are times where new memories appear, but my line of thought also crosses paths of previous ideas.

Flogging Molly: If I Ever Leave this World Alive.

One of many songs Katie enjoyed from Flogging Molly.

Teen Girl Squad

Katie's love for adult cartoons was unrivaled by many. This specific video she posted on many of her friends' and family member's walls on Valentine's Day. She sent it to me our first Valentine's and on our second, she made me watch it once again. I enjoyed her unexpected love of this cartoon more than the cartoon itself.

Teen Girl Squad 12.

I still do not understand this cartoon.

Images provided by Leslie Pennel.

Interests.

Some insight into Katie's interests. Please share if anyone can think of others. This will be continually updated because that is how my mind works (this list is going to get very long). The list is compiled without order.

Film

`Dogma

`Religulous

`The Boondock Saints (refused to see the sequel)

`Garden State

`Stranger than Fiction

`The Salton Sea

`Forgetting Sarah Marshall

`The Virgin Suicides

`Romeo + Juliet

`Remember Me

`A Charlie Brown Christmas

`Get him to the Greek

`Mr. Nobody

`The Hangover

`The Lovely Bones

`Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (*I invented post-its*)
`A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints

Television

`30 Rock

`House

`Shameless

`Family Guy

`American Dad

`South Park

`Arrested Development

`The Daily Show (we both had a crush on Jon Stewart, mine being platonic of course)

`Seinfeld

`It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

`The League

`Auschwitz: Inside the Nazi State (PBS)

`Any armageddon piece on The History Channel

`Modern Family

Print

`Lamb by Christopher Moore

`Dirty Job by Christopher Moore

`You Suck: A Love Story by Christopher Moore

`Island of the Sequined Love Nun by Christopher Moore

`The Evolution of God by Robert Wright

`Freakonomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner

`God is Not One: The Eight Rival Religions that Run the World by  Stephen Prothero

`Life of Pi by Yann Martel

`5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (and Other Useful Guides) by The Oatmeal.com

Music

`Sohodolls

`Flogging Molly

`Buddy Holly (she said she only enjoyed the one song we called our own, Everyday. I am pretty sure I was getting her to appreciate old, corny music though-maybe not).

`Bruno Mars
`Bright Eyes 
`Pink
`Simon and Garfunkel
`Violent Femmes

Restaurants
Noodles (Jalapeño Lime Chicken)
Hammontree's
Uncle Gaylord's Mountain Cafe (breakfast)
Lyn D's Cajun Gypsy Cafe
Shogun's

Comedian

Bill Hicks (favorite)
Mitch Hedberg
Daniel Tosh
Eddie Izzard (second favorite)

Brain on drugs.

(Work in progress).

Beauty.

This is an image and a Youtube video Katie posted on Facebook when we first started dating. This humble rationality is one aspect of her personality that first attracted me towards her.

Dove: Evolution commercial.

Sarah Wingfield Photography.

l

Image "borrowed" from Maude Shoppe.

 (photographer unknown once again).

Obituary.

Beautifully written by Katie's family  

(Cosmo and Erin Denger, and others).

Relationship.

Both Katie and I agreed this was the closest we had ever been to a member of the opposite sex. Here is a list of the concepts I/we learned during our relationship. Some of these ideas should have already been known, but at least I was trying. Tolerance is encouraged.  

When getting in the shower/bath, make sure you have a towel of your own. Your significant other can/will get upset when their towel is still wet.

Figure out a way to shave without clogging the sink.

It will make your life easier if your toenails and fingernails are maintained.

Do not leave empty boxes of sugary snacks in the freezer 
(or any empty box, in any location).

You will regret drinking milk after brushing your teeth before bedtime.

Do not fall asleep in the bathtub. It only causes worry for your loved one.

Do not follow the water conservation guidelines in California. Your partner will not be amused.

If you eat most of the groceries, you pay more when grocery shopping.

Learn how to deal with fake plants, or any other knick-knacks, in the home.

Some questions, even though they're not rhetorical, do not need to be answered.


Choose your words wisely in any critique, on any topic.

Find a balance of support, forgiveness and assertiveness, etc... Also, find the equilibrium of selfish and altruistic behavior. Both are important.

Be ready to talk about things that you do not understand and realize that your points are not always going to matter.

There will be times when your going to raise your voice. This is okay. Passion is the culprit. Realize this does not make your point more valid. Make sure you are able to have a civil discussion at a later time.

Do not be afraid to talk about any topic. The more you know the better.

There is absolutely no room for hypocrisy or passive aggressive behavior. 

Imagine if we lived in a society that was unisex ("one-sex" misnomer used here). Would you still be best friends? Attraction is important; but remember, we get ugly when we get old.

The phrase, "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" is benevolently stupid. They are both wretched. 

When you get clean clothes out of the washer/dryer, hang them or fold them. Unfortunately, it is frowned upon to place them in a clean clothes pile.

If your cell phone makes an obnoxious sound when the battery is low, plug it into the charger. You will annoy the hell out of your loved one if it is left laying around. This annoyance will be directed towards you.

A relationship is neither easy or hard. Life is much easier with than without though. 

I am hoping this causes a more difficult life to all of my friends who are in a relationship- Katie would enjoy this as well. If anyone has any other ideas on relationships, please share.

(Insert a rolling of Katie's eyes).

Images provided by Lydia Clark Photography.

Lydia Clark Photography.

Valentine's Day dinner.

Pan-Seared Tilapia Recipe.

This is the dish I made for Katie on Valentine's Day. She had to work that evening at Vista Health. She asked me to wake her at 7:00 pm. I started cooking at 5:45 pm and somehow I was able to finish right at 7 (it is quicker than this to make but I placed the fish on a bed of rise pilaf and this took 40 minutes to complete). 

The internet makes cooking easy.

The Greatest Show on Earth, Esque Fashion Show (2008).

Esque.

Images with friends.

A few images arranged in no particular order. If you have a picture with memories, send it my way.

 

Katie and Iris.

Kayla and Katie 
(Kayla's visit to Chicago).

 Katie @ Iris's Wedding Rehearsal.

Katie, Summer, and Iris. 

  

Katie @ Iris's Wedding.

Summer and Katie.

 

Aaron Shelton, Katie, and Jamin.

Katie, Kevin Helsey, Andy Terry, and Josh Clemence.

 Kayla and Katie.

Katie and Jamin.

Katie, Summer, and Catherine Quinn

(Katie's 24th birthday).

Iris, Katie, and Summer.

 

Kayla and Katie.

Images provided by Lydia Clark Photography.

Lydia Clark Photography.

Quotations.

"We have reason and conscience and should be friendly towards one another."

In reference to the recent Arizona shootings.

"The dark-side of our uncivil liberties is violence. Inflammatory and vitriolic words are a form of violence. It's time for us to pause and reflect."

In reference to the recent Arizona shootings.

"And what you do is what you do and what I do needs to be true. The things I do may need to be thought through, but just remember what's right for me, might be not right for you."

Sounds like a song or poetry but unsure.

"Scratch a cynic and you'll find a disappointed romantic."


"You can be my wing-man anytime."---"Bullshit! You can be mine."

Top Gun (something between Katie and her friend Iris).

"Listen to me! If you don't turn back now, you will drive yourself over the edge!"---"Jack, relax. (haha) The world is round."


"Goldfish left Lincoln logs in your sock drawer."
Bill Hicks contemplating the absurdity of the Easter Bunny (Katie's favorite comedian). 

"...and then the little engine decided that he just wasn't the competitive type."

"~*~Hyde Park love love LOVES their token white girl~*~"

"I do not expect to feel regret over this."
This is the title of my blog. Through family and friends, I found that this is the name of a song. She labeled many CD's that she burned with this title.